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New year, new direction for my blog. [Jan. 1st, 2014|05:33 pm]
with 2013 gone, and a new year upon us, it seems like an appropriate time to make a few changes to this blog. Firstly, I"m no longer calling it a blahg. This is going to be a more serious account of my life, and therefor no longer just pointless rambling. (let's be honest, their will still be quite a bit of rambling. that's just what I do)
Secondly, I"m going to try to update it at the end of each month. This way I can give a little retrospective of the months, see where my live is at, and see what I want to try to accomplish in the following month/months. And lastly, with more frequent updates, I will no longer be able to post a random cartoon quote at the end of my posts. (I think the 1, maybe 2 of you actually reading this will be crushed.)

so let's get to it with a recap of the end of 2013. I'll take it my month.

October was pretty good. I got to go throw nightmare on 13th, and I got to go to a corn maze with megan. I haven't spoken with her much since then, but last I talked to her she had moved in with some room mates, and really seems to be happy. I also got to go to a couple of halloween parties, but they weren't really anything special. I did meet a new friend at one of them, but we never really hang out. All and all october was just alright. nothing terrible, but nothing great either. it was just kinda there.

November was also just kinda there. nothing really happened on thanksgiving. we had a card table set up in my room to play board games, but no one wanted to play any board games. I didn't go to any parties. I didn't meet anyone new. It just sorta come and went.

so that brings me to December, which was really just busy more then anything else. It did have some good, and some bad. we got alot of hot cocoa orders, so I got to make some extra cash. but that also means I had to miss alot of christmas parties to package hot cocoa. On top of that, I didn't really get to celebrate my own birthday, with 3 other birthdays right around mine. I went to a board game party to celebrate my birthday, but no one I invited showed up. The host of the party asked if there were any games anyone wanted to play, but he forget I had requested formula D, so he didn't bring it. I did get some fun board games for my birthday/christmas, but I barely get a chance to play any of them. (I need better friends)
Now that I think about it, december was really disappointing.

I"m going to make a special note of mentioning the events of this last week and half, as they are really what brought me to the decisions I've made recently. I guess it started a couple of week ago when we had a special christmas musical program in the ward. Callee was hosting, and at the start when she was stalling for time she mentioned she didn't know any jokes. so I texted her a joke. I never got a response. I also texted her about my birthday party, since she never gets on facebook. I also never got a response. So at this point I was kinda done with callee. Fast forward a week and there is a christmas dance with another ward. Not only was Callee there, but she actually asked me to come dance so we could do west coast.
After the dance she gave me a ride home, since not alot of people from my ward showed up. This gave us a chance to talk, and she had told me she didn't check her texts since she was so busy planning the christmas program. I really thought we had started connecting. but then came New Years.

I went to a new years party that most of ward was going too. Callee showed up, and we even played a game a quelf together. But this time I really had to fight to get chances to talk to her, and went she left to go dancing she was give hugs to everyone, but just waved to me. Shortly after that the party really died down, so I ended up to leaving and going home. When I got home though, I really started thinking about our entire friendship, and realized just how little I actually seem to matter to her. This got me thinking about the rest of the ward, and how I can vanish for months at a time, and no one even seems to notice. I can only think of two people in the ward that actually seem happy to see me.

so that's it for 2013. so what are my goals for 2014....
got a stable job. (or any job really)
that will lead being able to get a car, and hopefully a place of my own, or at the very least with some friends.
it will also lead to being able to start serious dance training.
most of all I want to find someone that really cares about me, shares my interests, and who I really connect with. (no matter how much I like her, I don't think that will ever be callee)
in order to find her, I need to cut out those distractions that take up my energy and draw my focus away from those that actually do care about me.

goals for January:
find employment.
carefully analyse my friends and see which ones are distractions, and which ones actually care.

see you in a month...
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another one of those weeks. [Sep. 22nd, 2013|09:29 pm]
[mood |awakeawake]

(I'll get to the bad stuff later)

Last time I said I would try to update this more regularly, and give you an update on how 2013 is going. I'll try to just go cronologically through the year. (granted I might not remember everything, it's been an interesting year)
I guess the first thing I should cover is valentine's day. (you all know how I feel about that) the day itself wasn't too bad. no one left me cookies, or tried to cheer me up. I got to just sit in my room and play assassin's creed 3 all day. but the week I went to 3 different parties. the first one was a speed dating activity for FHE. (that seem to be a theme) I was getting tired of speed dating activities, so I just did card tricks for people as they rotated past me. it wasn't my intention for it to actually work, and get peoples attention.

next there was the semi-formal institute dance. I ended up wearing all black, because why not. the dance itself wasn't too bad, but I wish more people I knew had showed up. the last thing was by far the most enjoyable. (for the most part) a friend of mine was preform for a special black tie party a friend of a friend was hosting to show off local musicians. (the host was a musician) I only showed up because I thought callee was going to be there. (I'll get to callee in a bit) but while I was there I met some really nice people, including the host, valerie larson. when she played her set I loved every one of her songs, and I even ended up buying her lp at the end of the night. along with being a great musician, she is also drop dead gorgeous. we are now friends on facebook, and she was complaining alittle awhile ago about no one in utah doing anything original for dates, so I will have to come up with something original to take her too.

speaking of original dates. my ward did a murder mystery dinner that we were all suppose to bring dates too. I was going to ask callee, but I knew my home teaching companion liked her, so I give him the chance. (which he never took) but I did end up going a sweet girl in my complex named megan, who as it turns out collects swords. the two of us have kinda bonded over that a little bit, and everyone insists that I start taking her on dates, which I have tried to a few times, but we really don't have that much in common, outside of swords. we do have plans to go to a corn maze sometime in october. but I really don't see a relationship budding from that. we will always be friends, but I just can't see going further.

ok, I have mentioned her twice now: callee. callee is the choir director for my ward, who is also a great musician, as well as drop-dead gorgeous. on top of that, she has a great heart, and she is super friendly. but more importantly then all that, she does west coast swing. she new to west coast, but she is already an amazing follow. we have dance a few times at ballroom utah, but we have never actually done dancing together. we've made plans to several times, but something always falls through.

on the subject of dating, a bunch of people I have mentioned in the past have gotten married. this last year I think I went to 6 different weddings. including that of danielle and jen. (yes, jen finally found someone.) so now I can finally close my life on jen, like I have tried too so many times in the past. I really am happy she ended up with a great guy, and at the wedding he knew who I was as soon as he heard jen say rob. (my reputation precedes me appearently) it's always nice to know that at least one person values my friendship.

ok, time for some of the bad things. remember my kidney stone? well it turns out I got a fungel infections from the surgery. it took almost a year of trying to treat it at home, trying to track down free or low-income clinic, or clinics that don't take insurance, to finally just trying to find any doctor that would see me, reguardless of cost, and just getting it looked at. I finally found one that said since it had been almost a year he would see me. so ontop of the hospital not following through with finanical assisstance like they pre-approved me for, they give me an infection I had for nearly a year.

what else? there was my recent job at spirit. (a halloween retail store) I got the job offer monday night, showed up to start work tuesday, got sick at work and had to leave early on wednesday, and picked up my final check on thursday. they said they would call me when they need me to come back, but I think they meant to say "if" thy need me to come back. so now I am back to having no job, and very little money. but atleast I have no expenses. so I can use my money on things like dancing, and taking megan to a corn maze.

that brings me to this last week. while this last couple of weeks actually. but to tell that, I need to back up even farther. last month, megan had moved out of her apartment, which was in my complex. so naturally I told her I would be available all day to help her move. after going with her to drop off the first load at her parents house (for moral support more then actual help) we decided that if she even needed to just get away, she could come over anytime. not long after she moved a friend of my posted a link on facebook for a fantasy ball. while I was helping megan move she was showing me all of her fantasy and medieval dresses, so naturally I asked megan if she wanted to go to the ball, if it wasn't too late for her. well she said yes, and everything was set, until the night before when you called me to get the information, and remembered it goes pretty late. it had been a long week for her and she didn't want to stay out all night.

I guess it's good that she didn't go though, because what I failed to notice on the flier was that the address was that of a techno club downtown. (not really the kind of place megan would enjoy) but I ended up going by myself, because I still knew people who woudl be there. (or so I thought) it's an 18+ club, so I took my id out of my wallet since my wallet doesn't really fit into my sith lord costume. so I took that, a couple of 20s, and put them in my pocket. the first 200 people in costume got grab bags with fliers and a cup. I didn't want to carry my grab bag all night, since I had two lightsaber with me, so I checked it at the coat check. at the end of the night when I took my claim check to get my bag, which now also had smaller pieces of my costume, I didn't noticed that my id fall out of my wallet.

so I have to go back to the club the next night to pick it up. that was last saturday. they were doing a vampire ball, which I found out about the next before during the fantasy ball, but wasn't sure I was going to show up. well since I had to got back for my id, I figured I might as well dress up as dracula and go to the vampire ball. people liked my dracula costume, and my sith costume from the night before (or atleast the lightsabers) and I met some new people. during one of the random conversation, close up magic somehow come up, and one girl started ask me if I do parties, and how much I charge, etc. I didn't have any of my cards with me, since I was my dracula costume, so I gave her my number and told her I would come back next week with some magic stuff to show her.

and that brings me to this last saturday. appearently if you aren't dressed as a dracula people are less inclined to talk to you. the girl (I can't remember her name) that wanted to see my magic didn't even show up, and I don't have her number since, understandably, she doesn't give it to guys she meets there. so I have no way of getting a hold of her, all the "friends" I made at the vampire ball ingored me all night, and any hope of making alittle extra cash with a magic show flew out the window. (plus I spent about 15 dollars more then I was planning to going to area 51 3 times, instead of just once.)

so that's why I am at in my life right now. some good, some bad, but mostly uncertainty. the only thing I know if that I really wanted to check out the haunted forest this year, but it's hard to find someone that wants to go to a haunted house. between that, and the money I spent at area 51, i don't think that will happen. but atleast I can go to a corn maze, and I will still go through nightmare on 13th. maybe I can even get a friends and family pass from one of my friends.

"I usually enjoy parties with unconscious women on the floor, but this party of just bad."
yu-gi-oh abridged
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I think I am missing a post. [Jun. 17th, 2013|11:32 am]
[mood |bitchybitchy]

I could have sworn I did a second post back in september. I really need to get better about updating this. so let's close out my 2012, before moving to filling you guys in on what else has been happening in my life. So when I last left off, I said I would talk about my weekend. well that was memorial day weekend, we had our first training at nightmare on 13th on saturday. on the way back, my bus driver drove right past me, so I was stuck at the tracks station until the next bus came; which on saturday is every hour. (I had already been waiting for a half hour) I wish I could say that was the worst thing that happened to me that weekend. sunday at church I was invited to a memorial day bbq, so I was excited about that. I figured it might cheer me up from saturday, but then on monday a got a call from nightmare informing me that I "didn't make the cut" and told me not to come in for orinetation. Needless to say, I wasn't happy at the bbq; and my friends could tell. Some of them tried to cheer me up, but mostly just ended up ignoring me. so I spent most of the time sitting in the corner.

So that brings us upto the end of september, my older brothers Andy's wedding. You remember Andy. Anyway, at the wedding a got the job of being the personal running for both sets of parents, as well as the bride and groom. I wasn't assigned this job, or asked to do this job, it was just the result of going to yet another wedding alone. but this time, not alone did I hear "go get this" "go do that" "go find this person" which I didn't mind too much; I also heard "so when are you getting married?" "so, I guess it's your turn next" and other manner of reminders that no one loves me. (this coming only a few weeks after finding out the one place that makes me happy doesn't want me either) understandably, I was ready to stab someone by time they cut the cake, so I decided to head home early with alex and anne; but I also had to hold onto my mom's car keys, so she didn't have to carry her purse. (why she couldn't put them in her coat, I have no idea) so I go to give her the keys and say I"m going home; but oh no, my gopher duties weren't over yet. no, she made me and alex run to the store and buy a bunch of crap for a "surprise gift basket" for their hunnymoon.

needless to say at this point, I didn't have a fun october, what with my complex telling me that I couldn't decorate for halloween anymore, as my decorations last year "scared too many children" but atleast I had friends to tell me "cheer up, it's just a job" and "stop complaining, just be happy" but atleast I finally got a risk legacy group together.....

I don't know if I have mentioned risk legacy or not, so i will give a quick recap. risk legacy is a board game that evolves as you play. you make preminant changes to the board as you play. Well I worked hard putting together I group that would commit to completely the entire 15 game campaign. (as you can understand, you want the same 5 people when you play) well that lasted all of about 7 games. it fell apart even before my birthday party, which was part of the reason I bought the game at all.

Speaking of my birthday party. I had a nice 'end of the world' party all planned out, to go with the whole mayan theme. I had an awesome mayan temple pyramid cake, and we were going to play house of the dead, and risk legacy. (end of the world type games.) we ended up with everyone just sitting and talking to each other. no one really talking to me. me doing magic tricks for 3 people, who insisted a do multiple times so they could figure out how they were done. and by the end, when they was room in my living room to actually talk to people, I tried to just hurry and lose the game I was playing so I could go talk to them. well about a minute after I finished, everyone left. to top it off, the one person I really wanted to come couldn't make it. (I'll get to her in another post)

so that brings 2012 to a close with my friend colby's new years eve party. it wasn't a bad party, but right off the bat I got dragged into a debate (not an argument, and actual debate, with a judge and everything) about who was a big zelda fan between me, and one of colby's friends who was appearently still upset about something i said at colby's birthday party. so after all was over, I did get to play cards against humanity. but that was the one bright spot at this party. we all decided to chip in and get some pizza. (by "well all" I mean me and maybe 4 other people.) so when the pizza arrives, no one bothers to tell the people playing cards against humanity, so the people that actually paid for the pizza didn't even get any. after that we didn't really finish our game. then I somehow got dragged into a discussion of the LDS church. since it was either that, or listen to a bunch of bronies talk about how magical friendship is, I decided to stay and participate in the discussion. 3 1/2 hours later I decided to see what everyone else was doing. they had started another game of cards against humanity. so then around 5 or 6 the morning we went and got doughnuts. (this time I made sure those they paid got first dibs) and some more sodas. eventually I got a ride home with one of colby's friends. we actually got to talking about risk legacy, of all things, and he said it sounded awesome. I was hoping he could join our group and finish out the campaign, but he left on his mission like 3 weeks later. so the game is still sitting unfinished, but thankfully 2012 is finished.

I'll get to 2013 in my next post, which I will try to do later today. I need to get better about updating this thing.

"we don't know he's a super saiyan. maybe he is super HUMAN. maybe you slackers aren't trying hard enough"
"says the non-super saiyan"
-DBZ abridged.
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this year needs to die. (seriously) [Sep. 4th, 2012|05:57 pm]
So this post is gonna be pretty long since I have a whole year to catch up on. I thought that I had posted something here around February. I don't know what happened to it. February sucked. (as February tends to do) but I did get my black belt. That's something. I'm not even going to talk about valentine's day; but on top of that I missed danielle's birthday party. (miss as in a wasn't invited) That sucked not only because she is such a great friend, but also because they went to a place I've been wanting to go to for awhile now. it's called airborne. it's a trampoline playground kinda thing, but it also has trampoline dodge-ball. anyway, that's February.
fast forward a month or so after that, (I don't actually remember how long, it's been a long year) and my sister-in-law's family falls apart. I don't want to get into that one that much. fast forward a few more weeks, and I get a kidney stone. it's too big to pass on it's own, so I need to have lothotripsy. I don't have any medical insurance. I had applied for government assisted medical insurance for low-income, but I didn't qualify since I'm not married. so now I have something around 30 grand in medical expenses I'm trying to short out. I"m not a minority, so finical aid is being a pain. I know that sounds bad, but that's the way it is.
during this time period I find out on of the cast members of nightmare on 13th was in a car accident, and is in ICU. since I am recovering from surgery I don't get to visit her. she passed away a few days before I got well enough to visit. ontop of that, I had to miss the viewing because it was the same time as my post-op follow up appointment.
on top of all that. (as if that wasn't enough) all the girls in my ward that I liked except for two are either engaged/married, leaving for school, or just moving out of the ward. I haven't been able to go dancing much at all this year. and this last weekend especially has been a live hell. I will give this week/weekend it's own post.

"who am I speaking to right now"
"my name is dende"
"how did you know my plan?"
"what plan? I just wanted to screw over freeza"

-DBZ abridged.
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2011 retrospective (and random update) [Dec. 31st, 2011|02:57 pm]
So yeah, 2011 is almost over. everyone on facebook is doing these year end retrospectives and I thought "I haven't updated my blahg in awhile" so here I am. firsts things first, let's close out 2011 with alittle catch up. nightmare has come and gone, and I don't think I will be back. this season I got really sick and had to drop out half way through; though that's not why I don't want to go back. there was still quite a bit of drama with the cast and the folks incharge; though that's also not why I don't want to go back. while I was out I got to go to halloween parties and dances, I got to decorate my house and scare trick-or-treaters, and I had alot of fun doing it. don't get me wrong, nightmare is alot of fun; it's the best job I have every had. it's the only job I've had I actually enjoyed. but I never noticed how much I was missing out on halloween when I was working there. I never really got to enjoy it like I use too. in a way I really needed to enjoy halloween again.
on that note, I did get to go through the house while it was up and running. I went through with olivia, and one of her friends. we had a really fun time, and kinda made plans to hang out when it was all over; but again that didn't pan out. (I sense I theme) actually that has been a theme of this year, going back to the begining. as you may or may not remember. (depending on when you starting reading this blahg) I had a kinect party last year for my birthday. and the people there said they wanted to do it again after all the holidays were over. (and after my knee got better) of course that turned into my "going away" party, as I had to move out of the ward in march. only two people showed up to that party, and we ended up not even playing kinect. then I move to my amazing new ward, and meet a ton of new friends. early on I taught a dance lesson to the ward, as you may recall. after that a group of friends wanted to do monthly dance lessons, learning a new dance each month. that too never happened. and of course there was the thing with jessica, which was the sole reason I deleted her from my friends list.
and who could forget jen. I can't count the number of times we had plans that fell through. her birthday last year, my birthday this year, my going away party, her last play (which I never got to see. thank you nightmare.)yet through all that I still want her in my life. why? why can't I let her go? I've been asking myself that question alot lately. with all the changes I've made this year, with everyone and everything I have left behind, why do I still cling so tightly to jen? of course, why do any of us stay with those people that make us so miserable? maybe that's how I will spend 2012. trying to find answers.
let's brake from the norm for a moment and look ahead to next year. first up, I will finally be able to advance as a dancer. I found a place that actually teaches progressive dance lessons. so in january I will starting the tier 2 west coast swing lessons. I will also be able to test in my sword fighting class at the end of january, or early feburary. awww yes, febuary. the month of my least favorite dance. valentines day. you might remember last year I said I will not spend another valentines day along. I gave myself 1 year to find someone to spend it with. 10 months later, I still have no one. I do atleast have a few hopefuls. so we will see what comes of that. for now I should probably just go clean my house for my news year eve party. I will see you all next year.

"I have a question for you"
"what's that?"

DBZ abridged.
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long overdue. (with lots of side thoughts in parentheses.) [Sep. 30th, 2011|03:52 pm]
ok. ok. I said I would update this. But I've been busy with nightmare starting up, and now my oldest brother is getting married. (and I forget to mention that my younger brother got married) so life has been kinda crazy. that being said; lets recap from my last post........
so I said I was going to go see jen's play on opening night, which I did. so played dorothy in the wizard of oz, and she did an amazing job. she was really happy to see me too, since no one else came opening night. we had made plans to hang out after the run was over but nothing come of that. mostly due to nightmare starting back up, and her getting cast in another play. I was going to ask her to rich's wedding reception. (my oldest brother) but thats during one of her shows. ok, enough about jen. (if I don't stop now I will go on all day)
so now I am stuck without a date for rich's wedding reception, but there are some other girls I can ask. (a few of them I kinda like) first there is karla. (the girl from last post) she doesn't seem to be dating anyone at the moment. I'm not sure what happenned with her and her bf (or even when) but they both have their facebook set to "single" and I never really see them together anymore. next are two sisters I home teacher. danielle and janessa. I'm getting mixed vibes from these too. i'm not sure if one or the other like me, or if they both do, or if neither do. (I know those are the only options, just go with it) sometimes I get the feeling one of them likes me by the way they talk to me, or how they look at me when we talk; but other times it seems completely cold, like I am bothering them. so not sure were that would go. (or even which one to ask)
then there is a girl named olivia that I met at my multi-ward camp out awhile back. at the time she seemed really interested in me. (or atleast in my card tricks) she even ask when would be a good time to come see me at nightmare. so I offerred her some tickets. anyway, the next time I talk to her (stake fhe) she doesn't seem interested at all. then I see her at church and we talk for like 15 mintues. so i can't get a read on her at all. *sigh* ok new subject.
nightmare is up and running. that's been pretty fun this year, which is a welcome change from last year. this year the whole house is split into two shows; realm of darkness, where everything is a demon, and night of the dead, where everything is a zombie. I haven't been through myself to see how well the actors are pulling these shows off, but I haven't heard anything bad, so who knows. plus, casey said i can be a vampire tonight, so I'm stoked for that. vampire is my favorite role in the house, and I don't get to do it very often. (but that's because it's everyone else's favorite room too)
so that's about it for my last at the moment, I will try to get this updated again after nightmare closes down for the season. (or maybe after i can see jen's play) until then I leave you with my usual random cartoon quote. enjoy

"how many namekians does it take to" *punch in the face*
"just one"
-dbz abridged.
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(no subject) [Jul. 17th, 2011|10:51 am]
So yeah, it's been awhile. I failed miserably in my mission to keep this blahg updated. I actually got a new job not long after moving into my new place, so it's been eating up alot of my time. I've been working there 3 months and already I want to kill everyone I work with except one guy who I just never really see. Well I should probably talk about how all the new stuff I mentioned in my last post is going.
New house is amazing. I live right across the street from a movie theatre, I finally have my own room again, and our work out center and hot tub are both awesome. (not that I get to use either of them that often) I love my new ward to death. Everyone is so nice, and I even got the ward to start doing ward prayer. That was something my old ward did, but it usually just turned into a bunch of guys sitting around not doing anything. In my new ward however, people bring games and make cookies and everyone hangs out and watches movie into the wee hours of the night. I made a ton of new friends on my very first day. now on to the other thing I mentioned in my last post. crushes. *sighs* ok, here we go.
I actually do have a few new crushes. the first one is a girl named mckenzie. she is my FHE co-chair, and one of the first people that came up and talked to me in the new ward. We talked for hours that first day, and she even asked me to teach dances lesson for one of the FHEs. and of course since I started to like her it made sense that she had a bf of 7 months, so I figured I better move on. At the first ward prayer I met lindsey and karla. both of them were really cool and really clicked with them both. I even ended up walking a movie with karla. but lindsey was dating someone, and karla kinda like this other boy. so now karla is dating him, lindsey broke up with her bf, then had a new one like 3 days later, and mckenzie just broke up with her bf.
not to complicate things any further; (like it needed any help) I also still like jen. I mean really like jen. I didn't even realize how much until I was able to delete jessica from my facebook but couldn't bring myself to delete jen. OH yeah, jessica is back. I went to her home coming, we talked about doing a movie night, but nothing really panned out. long story short, I'm over here. anyway, back to jen. she is playing dorothy in the wizard of oz, and I planning to go opening night. I'm really looking forward to seeing her again, but at the same time I feel a really strong connection to mckenzie. I don't know what to do, but of course I never do.
well this is getting long so I better stop now. I will try to update again after jens play and tell you guy about the other things going on too.

"how many namekicans does it take to change a light bulb? the whole race. one to change the light bulb, and the rest to die."
-dbz adriged.
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New Chapter. [Mar. 28th, 2011|05:25 am]
I'm starting a new chapter of my life this week; so I better close this chapter with another post. First off, I"m moving on tuesday; so the ward I keep talking about, the one that's been a part of my life for the last 3 and half years, I'm going there anymore. To top that off, jessica is getting back from her mission next month. On the subject of jessicas, it didn't really work out with the jessica from my last post. I don't have all of those butterflies I use too have, and haven't for awhile. Megan from the last post isn't even talking to me anymore, and the only time I ever got to see jen was at church, so she is more or less out of my life now. I still haven't talked to stephanie since the last dance, but she is busy with work and school. Well that's where I'm sitting in life right now. New house coming up, new ward, new friends (hopefully) and undoubtedly new crushes. I will try to keep you guys up to date on my life (you guys being colby and sinsation, since you are the only two I know that read this)

"Sir. I will fight you in a minute."
-dbz adridged.
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lost and confused. [Feb. 12th, 2011|07:13 pm]
[mood |confusedconfused]

where do I even begin....... first off I did get to compete at the west coast swing competition. I placed dead last, but atleast I got to compete. other then that my knee is really starting to get better. I haven't needed to wear my brace in almost two weeks now. so life is starting to look up. that was until last night. actually it was alittle bit before then, but last night didn't help. once I was able to get back to church I noticed jen wasn't there, so for the first few weeks I couldn't see her. but another friend starting talking to me more, jessica. I found out a few weeks ago that jessica was a dancer, like me. and when I first come back to church she seemed really happy to see me. well with jen gone, and jessica starting to care about me more (or so I thought) I started to get alittle crush on her. so since then I have been trying to test the water, and see if I can get a read on weither she likes me.
well last week at church I was planning on asking her to the valentines dance last night, but then jen walk in the room and suddenly all those feelings come rushing back. I wasn't sure who I liked more, or if either of them like me. so I figured I would just go to valentines dance alone, as always, and see what happens. well jen couldn't make it, but I got to dance with jessica. she seems to like dancing with me, and even invited me to dance with her group. but when i brought up taking her dances so got all defensive, looking for reasons not to go. ontop of all that I also ran into stephanie. you guys remember stephanie right? she was the girl for the mac that I liked two years ago. well she was really happy to see me, and she was actually concerned about my knee, and ask about my competition. she really seemed to care about me and how I was doing, but she disappeared at the end of the night without saying goodbye, and I don't know when I will see her agian.
so if all that isn't enough, I also met someone new. at the begin of the night they weren't playing alot of dance sounds, and it was kinds boring, so I went outside for awhile. there I talked to a group of people who invited me to come dance with them. I kinda blew them off at first, as I was mostly their to see jessica. but during the first slow song of the night I noticed one of the girls, megan, was standing off to the side, looking very sad. being in that situation too many times myself I asked her to dance. during the dance, and more after the dance, we talking alot about our life, our hobbies, and our future plans. she is also a dancer and has been her whole life. the more we talked and danced we really hit it off, and I actually ended up sharing the last dance of the night with her. now I am wait for her friend request on facebook.
so now I have 4 girls a all kinda like. 3 of them would be a great match for me. 2 of them I have liked for a few years. atleast one of them really cares about me, and how I am doing. but I don't know if any of them share my feelings. I dont' know if I should pursue any of them, or even how to begin if I did. it's times like this I really missing have danielle to talk to. she just made anything seem so much simplier.

"I have better things to do today then die."
transformer the movie (1986 edition)
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lost post and broken dreams. [Dec. 28th, 2010|02:32 pm]
that last post was actually written in earlier to mid november, but for some reason it was deleted, or just never posted. but it's up now, and alot has changed since then. first and foremost that has changed is a have recently joined a competitive west coast swing group. they were going to help me get work on more advanced steps, and develop my techinique more; and everyone was going to be good for once.
then I dislocated my knee at my birthday part. so now no dancing for atleast the next 4-6 weeks while I recover, and possibly longer. so not only am I missing the new years eve dance at school, but I have a ameture west coast competetion on januray 28th. that is right on the edge of my recovery time so I don't know if i will be healed by then.
on top of all that I have had to miss church for the last two weeks, which is the only place I get to see jen. she wasn't at church the week before the birthday party, so she didn't show up. I really wanted to have her there becuase she would have played board games with me. but now I don't even know how she is doing.
and lastly, some close friends of mine are getting married next saturday. it was going to be a masquerade wedding, with dancing and costumes. but now that I hurt my knee I can't go to that either. but I guess it's for the best I once again I would be going without a date. well that's probably enough self pity for now.

life actaully isn't as bad as I am making it out to be. I have alot of new friends at the place I go dancing. I have some fun new kinect games to play when I recover, and the people at poison ivy mysteries rememberred me, and will let me know when the next audition is. so I guess life is kinda mixed right now. all I can do now is wait and see what happens in 4-6 weeks.

"mr. guru sir, my friend krilin said you could help us by touching me"
"do I look catholic?"
dbz adbridged.
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